So I was speaking with a dear friend earlier.  She is in the middle of a divorce.  I know her her soon to be ex husband.  The things she endured struck close to home.  People now speak about abuse in such general terms  Speaking to someone in a way they don't like constitutes as abuse now a days.  But expressing an opinion contrary to your own does NOT constitute as abuse.  Let me please explain to you what abuse really means.

  Abuse is telling someone 24/7 for 4 years ad nausea-um that you are stupid is abuse.  Holding someone captive for 12 hours is abuse.  Holding someone down and spitting on them is abuse.  Shoving the butt of  a shotgun in a persons rib cage is abuse.  Kicking a person [female] while laying on the ground incapacitated , in the tail bone is abuse.  Ripping the clothes off a person while  they are trying to escape you is abuse.  Beating someone on their back is abuse.  Holding someone by their throat with your bare hands is abuse.
Holding someone at gunpoint and knife-point is abuse.

  I personally endured all the afore mentioned things.  I never spoke of it before for fear of shame.  But I am afraid no longer because I KNOW that there are women out there who are enduring worse hour after hour with no end in sight.
 My abuse started as a emotional and physiological.  My ex wouldn't let me have any friends.  I couldn't go shopping for groceries alone, but I soon realized it was something worse.  He couldn't and wouldn't hold a job for more than a few months.  If I was able to have a friend it was only with someone who held the same views as him.

  I soon felt trapped and when I confronted him and told him I wanted out, I was held captive and beaten and berated for 12 hours.

  This is something women the world over face everyday.  I endured abuse for 12 hours, and could have gone back to this loser of a man, but I decided NO!  I decided to stand on my own 2 feet and see if I did any better.  There were a few trips and stumbles along the way, but I found my way clear.  I am now a strong woman with 3 kids.  Yes, I am married again, but to a real man, who would never think of putting his hands on me.


  You have the support of women everywhere!  If you need someone to "speak" to, please email me at odessa.toma@gmail.com


Gorges Smythe said...

I've never understood how women could continue to profess love for such a person, yet many do. Surely it's emotional need, not love. I'm glad you got out.

Odessa Toma said...

I don't get that either Gorges. I wasn't one of them. Thankfully I didn't have kids at that time or I probably would've stayed.

Anonymous said...

I am glad you were able to get out as well. I have become good friends with several women who have experienced horrible relationships, usually formed early in their lives. It seems they have all been with men who are what I call "controllers"

These people don't love and have an immature and insecure view of relationships that often turns abusive.

Most often it starts as they try to isolate you from your friends and family. They do this to prevent you from leaving by isolating and then trying to make you dependent on them so you feel you have nowhere to turn and no options. They know if you retain your friends and family you will talk to them about the abuse and they will encourage you to leave.

So if you are in a relationship like this - please do get out ASAP. If you need help there are many good organizations, and people who are willing to help.

Don't feel ashamed - It is not your fault.